A Petrified Heart

heartI’m scared, not sad or depressed but absolutely petrified about what has happened. Petrified that I will never ever be able to trust anyone again. Petrified that I will never be able to open my heart to anyone again and fearful that any man I meet in the future will do exactly the same as AB and all the others as soon as I fall for them.

I told the children, that proves to me and those around me that there is no going back, not that he’s asked but I made it perfectly clear after the first time that they would be no other chances. They were devastated but I think because they could see I was OK that they took it in their stride. I’m so proud of them both, they’ve had so much shit in their young lives where men are concerned that I think they knew it would happen in the end anyway.

I’m not where I was this time last year. I’m not going to let AB affect me like I let him and I’m going to keep smiling, be happy and not fall for any man’s words again. We can and we will be happy and survive without a man, we have before but it was nice to think we had someone looking after us for a little while there.

I have my memories, my photos, my family and friends to look after me, I don’t need anything else.

8 thoughts on “A Petrified Heart

  1. Trust is hard to give anyone and when it comes to your heart it is even harder. You will trust again when the person is right and you are in a new place in your life. You will love again but it takes time and you have learned which is important.

  2. Give it time and I am glad to hear you have the intention not to be affected by it. Good, enjoy your freedom, do what you like to do, be what you want to be, smile, enjoy and show the world you don’t need him. You are learning and getting stronger with all this, it teaches us a lesson, so don’t dwell in the past go forward. You will love again one day, I know very cautiously, but not all men are the same. Don’t close your heart, keep it open, I guess just more alert.
    I do understand you fully with the trusting issue, as I still think I am not ready to do that.
    There is more to life than men, you have great friends and family enjoy them, talk to them they will be very supportive. All the best and a big hug!

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